They Eat What?

Last week on the streetcar I had the far too common experience of hearing a conversation between people who really shouldn’t be allowed out in public. I’ll remind you that I’m half-deaf and can barely hear people speaking directly to me so obviously these two dolts were not only idiots, but loud idiots.

One snippet of the conversation revolved around a Chinese restaurant that made good, cheap pork balls. The little idiot said that he thought they were real pork because there are still plenty of cats in the neighbourhood. He then made fun of the restaurant name referring to it as “Ching Chang Ling Shek Shin Shin”. I believe it’s actually called Spring Rolls. The big idiot was about to say something but refrained himself because, as he put it, he didn’t want to appear racist. He sure didn’t have a problem with appearing stupid though. If you think something racist, whether you vocalize it or not, you’re racist.

So let’s get back to the implication that Chinese restaurants serve cat meat. Would it really matter if they did? I can understand if you’re advertising something as pork that is actually cat meat why people would get upset. That’s a blatant case of false advertising. But, I don’t think that’s the issue, after all we don’t have any restaurants that state they serve pet meat.

Why, of all the things we eat, do people find it morally reprehensible or a gastronomic catastrophe (pardon the pun) to eat dogs or cats? Do you have any idea where eggs come from? A chicken’s butt. It’s actually called a cloaca and serves as an excretory and reproductive tract. I’m not saying don’t eat eggs, I love eggs, but why are we okay with eating ass candy but not Rover.

Don’t get me started on snails. Too late. Who sees something crawling around in their garden and thinks “I bet that would be delicious with some garlic butter.” I don’t eat snails but I do love garlic butter. You could put garlic butter on a shoe and I’d try it.

High on the list of disgusting things people eat has to be haggis. Merely reading the recipe is enough to make you vomit. Take the heart, liver and lungs of a sheep, mix it with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt. Cook in the sheep’s stomach for around three hours. Not even garlic butter could get me to eat that.

So yes, if a restaurant was serving Beagle burgers or some sort of Calico cat cuisine I’d be fine with that. I might even try it if they offered a kitten size portion.