I'm not against Blackberrys, they certainly have some value, but whenever I look at a user's screen they're almost always playing Brick Breaker or Solitaire. They also, almost always, tell me to stop looking at their screen and, on an unrelated note, put my pants back on.
It irks me to see teenagers - and it irks me even more to see teenagers on Blackberries. If you're still in school and/or don't have a job, you don't need a Blackberry; you don't really even need to be out in public but that's a battle that's bigger than me.
The thing that rattles my snake most about Blackberry users is that they're completely unable to both read a message and get the hell out of my way at the same time. I'm not a patient person to begin with but waiting for some suit and tie to wander out of an elevator, so engrossed in an e-mail that he's completely unaware that there are other people on the planet, makes me wish I could shoot lasers out of my eyes and blow heads apart. That skill would actually come in handy on a number of occasions; can't see the movie screen because some pumpkinhead is sitting in front of you, want to impress a date, stuck beside a bore at a cocktail party.
Getting back to the clueless Blackberry user; unless the e-mail message states that an army of zombies has arisen and is intent on creating a new world order in which the plumpest members of the human species will be turned into slaves and forced to subsist on a diet of human flesh and vegetables, it's not nearly as important as getting the hell out of my way.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Stupid TTC
I hate the TTC. I know that’s about as controversial as taking a firm stance against cannibalism or expressing disapproval of necrophilia but it has to be said. A quick side note; I was once at a work function that had a fairly boring speaker and one of my colleagues asked the organizer to get someone more exciting next time because some of us suffer from necrophilia. She meant, I hope, narcolepsy. Falling asleep during a presentation is bad, but performing the dancing monkey of desire on a corpse? Not during business hours.
The incompetence and arrogance of TTC employees has been thoroughly covered in the papers recently but I haven’t seen some of my petty issues addressed.
I should note that research for this entry was done entirely through Wikipedia and my own memory; neither of which are reliable.
Why do we still have streetcars? There are two cities in North America that still run streetcars as part of the regular transportation system; Toronto and New Orleans. I don’t know much about the Big Easy – and while topless women and heavy drinking have their plus sides – I’m not entirely sure this is a place we should be modeling our transportation system after.
I realize that electrical power rather than gas is probably beneficial to the environment but there are electric powered buses. At least with buses if one gets stuck you don’t have 5 more lined up behind it because they have nowhere else to go. And buses can actually pull up to the curb so you don’t have to risk your life exiting the vehicle while some jerkwad tries to race past the open doors, not because he has anywhere important to go, but because 20 seconds of his time is clearly more valuable than another person’s life.
Here are some quaint facts about the streetcar system.
The TTC still employs blacksmiths. You can even take a tour of their shop. It costs $15 but you’re guaranteed a much more surly, lazy and arrogant worker than you’d encounter with your low $3.00 ride fare. The slogan is “ten times the attitude for five times the price.” Check tour 4 at this link http://www3.ttc.ca/TTC_Business/TTC_Tours/Locations.jsp.
Sand is used on the rails for extra traction in acceleration and braking. Wikipedia states, “A passenger might notice spilled sand on the streetcar floors near the front of the car; this is where the hoppers are loaded.” Yes, I noticed the sand. If it weren’t for the stink of cat urine and rotting vegetables I would have thought I was at the beach. The hoppers must be filled by epileptic blind people.
This system is so antiquated I expect the first aid box to be filled with leeches and scheduling communication to be sent by telegraph.
- ···· · - - -·-· ··· ··- -·-· -·- ···
That would explain why every single day when I come home from work the streetcar has to wait a few minutes before entering the station because there’s no room in the bay. The bay only holds two streetcars but rather than properly scheduling arrival and departure times so that the vehicles run at regular intervals the TTC has decided that it’s much better for the driver to wait until traffic is sufficiently obstructed. An added bonus of this system is that while I’m waiting on the streetcar I can see my connecting bus leave the station.
One of my favourite tricks the TTC pulls is the short turn. This is when I’m comfortably seated on a not too crowded streetcar. An announcement is made – usually something along the lines of, “this car will be short-turning at Parliament. Parliament will be the last stop for this car.” The announcement, of course, is made at Parliament and what the driver is really saying is, “I know you’re comfortable and I could have given you way more notice that this car was short-turning in case you wanted to take an alternate route but I thought it would be better if I kicked you off abruptly and made you, and all the other passengers on this car, and all the passengers currently waiting at the stop, get on the already crowded streetcar behind me. I’m truly sorry that it is not raining.”
I know that switching to electric buses would require hiring people who are capable of working a steering wheel along with the extremely labour intensive and complicated task of pushing two different pedals; GO and NO-GO. Honestly, how hard is it to drive a streetcar? I’ve seen more complicated rides at Centre Island. Pig could drive a streetcar and he’s not even three yet. Of course if he spots something shiny all bets are off.
And finally, the streetcar bell, is it really necessary? Whenever one streetcar passes another the drivers ding their little bells like Quasimodo being electrocuted. Or, perhaps they’re sending some sort of message via Morse code. Streetcars are 23 metres long, 37,000 kilograms and red. I think we can all see them okay without a bell alerting us to their presence.
I see you – Ding
I see you too – Ding Ding
Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding (which one of these pedals is GO?)
By the way, streetcars are not wheelchair accessible so if you are paralyzed from the waist down you'll have an easier time walking to your destination than getting on a streetcar.
The incompetence and arrogance of TTC employees has been thoroughly covered in the papers recently but I haven’t seen some of my petty issues addressed.
I should note that research for this entry was done entirely through Wikipedia and my own memory; neither of which are reliable.
Why do we still have streetcars? There are two cities in North America that still run streetcars as part of the regular transportation system; Toronto and New Orleans. I don’t know much about the Big Easy – and while topless women and heavy drinking have their plus sides – I’m not entirely sure this is a place we should be modeling our transportation system after.
I realize that electrical power rather than gas is probably beneficial to the environment but there are electric powered buses. At least with buses if one gets stuck you don’t have 5 more lined up behind it because they have nowhere else to go. And buses can actually pull up to the curb so you don’t have to risk your life exiting the vehicle while some jerkwad tries to race past the open doors, not because he has anywhere important to go, but because 20 seconds of his time is clearly more valuable than another person’s life.
Here are some quaint facts about the streetcar system.
The TTC still employs blacksmiths. You can even take a tour of their shop. It costs $15 but you’re guaranteed a much more surly, lazy and arrogant worker than you’d encounter with your low $3.00 ride fare. The slogan is “ten times the attitude for five times the price.” Check tour 4 at this link http://www3.ttc.ca/TTC_Business/TTC_Tours/Locations.jsp.
Sand is used on the rails for extra traction in acceleration and braking. Wikipedia states, “A passenger might notice spilled sand on the streetcar floors near the front of the car; this is where the hoppers are loaded.” Yes, I noticed the sand. If it weren’t for the stink of cat urine and rotting vegetables I would have thought I was at the beach. The hoppers must be filled by epileptic blind people.
This system is so antiquated I expect the first aid box to be filled with leeches and scheduling communication to be sent by telegraph.
- ···· · - - -·-· ··· ··- -·-· -·- ···
That would explain why every single day when I come home from work the streetcar has to wait a few minutes before entering the station because there’s no room in the bay. The bay only holds two streetcars but rather than properly scheduling arrival and departure times so that the vehicles run at regular intervals the TTC has decided that it’s much better for the driver to wait until traffic is sufficiently obstructed. An added bonus of this system is that while I’m waiting on the streetcar I can see my connecting bus leave the station.
One of my favourite tricks the TTC pulls is the short turn. This is when I’m comfortably seated on a not too crowded streetcar. An announcement is made – usually something along the lines of, “this car will be short-turning at Parliament. Parliament will be the last stop for this car.” The announcement, of course, is made at Parliament and what the driver is really saying is, “I know you’re comfortable and I could have given you way more notice that this car was short-turning in case you wanted to take an alternate route but I thought it would be better if I kicked you off abruptly and made you, and all the other passengers on this car, and all the passengers currently waiting at the stop, get on the already crowded streetcar behind me. I’m truly sorry that it is not raining.”
I know that switching to electric buses would require hiring people who are capable of working a steering wheel along with the extremely labour intensive and complicated task of pushing two different pedals; GO and NO-GO. Honestly, how hard is it to drive a streetcar? I’ve seen more complicated rides at Centre Island. Pig could drive a streetcar and he’s not even three yet. Of course if he spots something shiny all bets are off.
And finally, the streetcar bell, is it really necessary? Whenever one streetcar passes another the drivers ding their little bells like Quasimodo being electrocuted. Or, perhaps they’re sending some sort of message via Morse code. Streetcars are 23 metres long, 37,000 kilograms and red. I think we can all see them okay without a bell alerting us to their presence.
I see you – Ding
I see you too – Ding Ding
Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding (which one of these pedals is GO?)
By the way, streetcars are not wheelchair accessible so if you are paralyzed from the waist down you'll have an easier time walking to your destination than getting on a streetcar.
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