Babysitting

Sorry that it’s been so long between posts. I’m still recovering from the weekend. We babysat Snake and Rooster. Please allow me to refresh your memory on the cast of characters:

Snake – a dynamic, almost seven year old, who sees and hears everything. Snake makes the Tasmanian Devil seem like an arthritis riddled 80 year old trying to make her way through quicksand.

Rooster – Two and half and has me wrapped around her little finger. Rooster has warmed up a bit since we last met. She now lets me pick her up without fuss. Rooster enjoys jumping and running. When she’s excited, which is 98% of the time, she will jump straight up and down for a few seconds and then go tearing through the house giggling before stopping to jump some more.

Pig – Just turned one. The happiest boy I’ve ever seen. At the stage where he is pulling himself up to a standing position. Very often you’ll see just the top of his head over the arm of the couch.

Jabberjaw – Pig’s mom. I call her Jabberjaw for two reasons; one, she had a Jabberjaw lunch box in grade school which I believe she still has to this day and two, she talks a lot. Jabberjaw deftly weaves the art of conversation with the inability to stay focused so having a discussion with her is like trying to map out the path of a superball to its eventual destination.

Gook Gook (rhymes with hook hook) – Pig’s father and coincidentally, Jabberjaw’s husband. A well-spoken gent who regales the children with tales of the real estate market in the GTA.

Auntie Monkey – Jabberjaw’s older sister. The thought process of Auntie Monkey is different than anybody I’ve ever met.

Given the premise:

1. All men are mortal.
2. Socrates is a man.

She would round out the syllogism not by saying “Socrates is mortal” but “why is it pronounced Sock-rah-tees and not Sew-crates. I would think it should be Sew-crates. Did Plato invent play-doh? Or did he invent plates? I can never remember.”

Myself – Fat and cranky. Bit of a bastard at times. I will refer to myself as Uncle Fatty where necessary.

Mommy & Daddy – Snake and Rooster’s parents.

This weekend we also had company from:

Jook Jook – Rhymes with Gook Gook and is his brother.

Auntie Lola – Married to Jook Jook.

Coco – A mischievous three year old monkey.

Chili – A one year old with a head the size of a cantaloupe.

The babysitting started on Saturday at around 1pm. Mommy and Daddy unloaded an incredible amount of luggage and started bringing it in. Snake immediately wanted to play and dragged me down to the basement to put together a water activity toy. This thing came with various plastic parts attached to a plastic frame. Normally you can snap the parts of but in this case they needed to be cut so Snake ran upstairs to get two pairs of scissors. There were blue pieces and red pieces. She gave me the red pieces because she likes blue. She also instructed me on how to cut the pieces. “Cut pieces should be put here, if they need to be trimmed they go in this pile, cut close to the frame.” Thanks kid, I’ve used scissors before.

During the assembly I asked what Mommy and Daddy would be doing this weekend. She said, “they’ll have their fun.” I bet they will kid, I bet they will.

After the toy was completed we all went five pin bowling. Six adults, five children, one bowling lane. Coco has a peculiar bowling stance in that he holds the ball as if he were shot putting and tries to throw it towards the pins. Rooster was able to roll the ball halfway down the lane leaving it for the bowlers behind her to try and hit. Snake was a pretty good bowler and managed to get a couple of strikes.

We went five pin bowling because we were afraid that if we went ten pin, people would mistake Chili’s head for a bowling ball.

After bowling it was back to Jabberjaw & Gook Gook’s for a barbecue and soccer in the backyard. Snake loves soccer. I think I played about 15 hours of soccer over the weekend and was fortunate enough to be hit directly in the nuts only twice. I probably shouldn’t have been playing naked but hindsight is 20/20.