I have long held a belief that you can test a person's sanity by putting them on a streetcar and counting how many times they change seats. The more times they change seats the crazier they are.
Obviously, certain conditions must be in place. The streetcar can't be completely empty or completely full. After a lot of trial and error I was finally able to pull the number of 45% out of my ass.
If a person changes seats once or less they can be considered completely sane. Often you'll get on a streetcar and there will be seats open but they're not great seats. A couple of stops in a great seat opens up. You move and take it - not insane. Another seat opens up, you move and take it - insane. The exception is if a situation arises regarding the seat you moved to that was not present when you initially sat down. For example, a person with bad body odour sits beside you, the window or seat breaks, the person sitting behind you vomits on you (although moving seats solve the problem of the vomit presently on you it would at least prevent that particular person from vomiting on you again). If none of these, or a similar situation happens and you change seats more than once you are coo coo bananas.
Why is this considered an accurate test of sanity? Think back to all the times you've ridden on the streetcar or bus and if you've changed seats once have you ever had the urge to change seats again? If you did, did you stifle the urge because you thought people would think you were crazy for switching seats again? If you weren't able to stifle the urge and moved again are you currently reading this on a computer situated in Lord Zokron's Disco Space Pod? Do you think your dog can read minds and makes fun of you behind your back? Are all your clothes made out of bubble wrap so you don't hurt yourself when you go outside?
Chinese Girls Run for No Reason
First, I'd like to point out that I haven't noticed this only when I'm approaching a Chinese girl. Trust me, it's not only Chinese girls that run screaming if they see me headed in their general direction.
When I say "run" what I mean is, the legs move double time but the body as a whole moves at the pace of a brisk walk. I believe this is accomplished by reducing the step to half of what it normally is, please see the following illustration:
The legs on the right look skinnier because of the increased speed.
The reason I say it is for no reason is they only give the illusion of speed without getting anywhere any faster. I have no idea what this all means but the evidence is beyond dispute.
Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation is Incorrect
Newton's law states that every thing with mass is attracted to everything else with mass. The greater the mass and the closer the objects the stronger the force of attraction.
In putting this theory to the test I've come up with the exact opposite results. As a man of great mass one would assume that the closer I stand to someone the more attracted they would be to me - this is not the case. Sometimes I'll stand right behind a woman, so close I can smell her hair and she can feel my hot breath on her swan like neck (sorry, I guess "really close" would have sufficed). Not once has the woman become more attracted to me. 98% of the time the woman will move away (the other 2% are decrepit). 100% of the time I will be maced and/or pepper sprayed. I don't recall reading anything about that in Newton's law.
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