Din"er"ing Experiences

I love going out for breakfast by myself. For me, there is no greater joy than sitting in a diner, sipping my coffee and eating bacon while doing a Sudoku. Well, there is one greater joy, but that involves Polynesian triplets, finger paint and an oscillating fan so let’s stick to breakfast for the time being.

The perfect diner is one that opens by 7:00am, is, for the most part, empty, has good service, large tables, edible food and is less than a 10 minute walk from my abode. I have only ever found this once and that place closed down after three weeks for failure to pay rent. Here’s a brief history of my diner experiences:

Sip & Bite
Pros – opened early, was right across the street, cheap breakfast, decent food
Cons – nearly impossible to get a top up on coffee, moderately busy and clientele was comprised of white trash on mobile scooters who felt the need to yell mundane details about their personal lives to their dining companions; “DOCTOR SAYS I SHOULD GET THE BOIL LANCED”, “ETHEL’S SON GOOBER LOST THREE FINGERS IN THE WOODCHIPPER LAST WEEK.”

Cranberries
Pros – excellent food, spacious enough that you didn’t feel like you were sitting in the lap of the diner beside you.
Cons – opened at 9:00am.

Johnny G's
Pros – good food, good service.
Cons – opened at 8:30am, tables were so close together that merely by leaning over to pass the salt to the diner beside me I ended up impregnating her. In retrospect, we both should have been wearing pants, but live and learn.

Mars Diner
Pros – passable food, good service.
Cons – the booths are so small I have to butter myself up to squeeze in and out.

KOS
Pros – empty, good food.
Cons – the wait staff is for decoration purposes only.
NOTE: I forgot the name of this place so KOS may not actually be it, but it was close to Mars Diner near Bathurst and College. Not that it matters all that much.

Mihali’s Place
Pros – good food, good service, good prices.
Cons – Opens at 9:00am, small selection, can get busy and crowded

New York Café
Pros – opens at 7:00am, good food, good service.
Cons – crowded with police and other criminal types. The tables are close together so I get to overhear conversations like this gem:

“I like rye bread.”
“Yes, me too.”
“This is good bread.”
“Yes, very good.”
“Very good rye bread.”
“Good rye bread.”
“You like rye bread?”
“Yes, I like rye bread.”
“Me too.”