I've Reconsidered

Air conditioning is humanity's greatest achievement. Days like yesterday when the temperature was 27 Celsius but with the humidity felt like 214 made me come to my senses, or made me completely delirious from heat stroke but either way, I love air conditioning.

I'm not a guy who does very well in the heat. I sweat if I type too fast and every morning in the summer I wake up covered in a thick coating of what can only be described as a slightly less sticky version of corn syrup. I don't need a lot of material goods to make me comfortable; a mattress made entirely of koala bear fur, a pedicure and foot massage every 4 hours, a hot tub full of water imported from a pure mountain spring in the Himalayas and air conditioning so cold that I can make a skating rink in my living room.

Now with global warming we're supposed to turn down air conditioning to help the planet. Does this make any sense? Things get warmer so we should use less air conditioning. Incidentally, if, next winter, I hear anyone complain about the cold and then make a sarcastic remark about "global warming" I will kick them directly in the coodlesac. Just want to give fair warning.

I am willing to make a lot of concessions to help the planet. Do I need the clothes dryer running 24 hours so I can quickly getting a warm, fluffy towel when the mood strikes me? Probably not. Should I wait until I have more than a dirty spoon and cup before I use my industrial strength dishwasher? Good idea. Will I turn down my air conditioning and sit sweltering in my apartment sweating cheese curds to save the fragile marine ecosystems of Antarctica? I'm thinking no. Penguins and seals are cute but I don't eat them. Let me know if lobsters are in danger.