Day Five

This was a hell of a long day. We got up early in order to catch the 9:00am ferry to Victoria. Once in Victoria we went to Butchart Gardens. A sprawling 55 acres of every flower imaginable, most of them remarkably delicious. I guess the best way to describe Butchart Gardens is to picture the most stunning garden you can think of and then imagine thirty senior citizens standing behind you croaking in a raspy voice, “isn’t that beautiful, my goodness I’ve never seen anything so wonderful”. Yes you have. You’ve seen 40 acres of the exact same thing. Sorry, went off on a bit of a tangent there. The garden was actually quite nice and while a little crowded not impossible to navigate through.

I then had a bizarre experience at an Esso station. I went in to grab a coffee but they only had a self-serve counter. This was okay, I’ve poured coffee for myself on occasion and if I may say so, I get most of it in the cup. The problem was this woman who was also getting coffee was making inane pseudo sexual comments. She called me a “three cream man” and said she liked three cream men. While handing me a lid she said, “are you large, or extra large” and you don’t even want to know what she said up the sweetener. Anyway, I’m meeting her for dinner later.

We then went to downtown Victoria which has some cute little shops and some nice views. Not a whole lot to report here. We had dinner at an Italian restaurant and then left around 5:30pm thinking we might catch the 6:00pm ferry. On the way to the ferry the radio gave a report that the 6:00pm was full and the 7:00pm was filling up fast. This was all I needed to hear in order to drive like a maniac the remainder of the way to the ferry dock. When we go to the dock we didn’t actually realize it and were still cruising along at 110km/hr. A dock worker enjoying a coffee break bolted from her seat with a panicked look in her eye to signal me to slow down. A little man directing dock traffic started waving his clipboard slowly indicating that I should slow down. When he started waving it at the speed of a hummingbird’s wings I thought maybe I should slow down. We got to the ferry dock at 6:15pm – we caught the 9:00pm ferry. Yes, we waited nearly three hours in the car. How did we amuse ourselves? By making fun of the people around us of course. There was one in particular that I’ll mention. A Korean woman, about 25 years old, wearing a pair of leather looking leopard print short-shorts and fur boots. The highlight of the ferry wait was when she bent over to get something out of her trunk. I nearly became a three cream man then, if you know what I mean.

It’s 2:43am right now so if there are spelling or grammatical errors or just plain ridiculousness in this post how about cutting me some slack.