Mandatory Entry

I used to have penpals that I never wrote to because I never had anything to say. A friend suggested just making crap up to amuse myself, "sorry, it's taken so long to write. Last month I was involved in a gang war and got shot up pretty bad". I think I ended up writing something like "I hope this correspondence finds you well. I regret to inform you that this letter will be my last. My government needs me to embark on a top secret mission and I must break all contact. Fare thee well good lady." I'm not sure if anyone bought it because I was only 13 at the time. I was thinking of making up a blog entry because nothing remotely interesting has happened lately (not that that has stopped me before).

Last weekend a friend wanted to make cookies because she saw a recipe in a Martha Stewart magazine. I didn't think this would go well for two reasons; 1) she's a perfectionist and 2) her idea of cooking is to put a can of ham in the microwave. Her kitchen is about 3 square feet so she wanted to make them at my place. I said absolutely no way, I refuse to do this, there is not a chance this is going to happen.

So we're at my place making cookies. This is normally a one hour job. It took us nearly six hours.
The main hold up was that we had to chill the dough for an hour. During this hour we decided to grab a bite. By the time we returned an hour and a half later the dough was almost frozen solid. We thought leaving it on the counter for a bit would thaw it out. Eventually, because I didn't want to make this a multi-day affair, we nuked the dough to soften it up. Considering that the dough was frozen and then nuked the cookies turned out very well.

One other thing happened last weekend that I found mildly amusing. I was in Staples and my friend was going on about some other recipe she saw in Martha Stewart. I had little interest in the topic so I was only partially listening while walking around and then I heard her say "are you listening to me?" all snotty-like. I turned around and in an exasperated, annoyed tone said "what?!?!?" It turns out that my friend had long gone her own way and I was shouting at a woman who was talking to her daughter.

I'm sure you're now thinking, geez I wish the bastard would have just made something up instead of writing that boring ass cookie story. Perhaps next entry I'll tell you about the time I single-handedly dismantled a nuclear bomb while performing neurosurgery on the Prime Minister of Belize. I'm sure many of you didn't know that I was once single-handed. Thanks to a rigorous rehab program and Buckley's cough syrup my right hand grew back. It's a long fictitious story but perhaps one day I'll tell it.