There was a guy on the streetcar today, well dressed, reading the Globe & Mail and picking his nose like a six year old hillbilly at class picture time. He wasn't just running his thumb along the ridge or pinching the septum and giving it a pull; this guy was in it to win it. He'd stick his finger in, root around for a bit, pull it out, have a look, wipe it on his pants, or paper or bald head and then go back for more. Disgusting? Yes, but I had to actually see it, you're just reading about it.
I went to the One of a Kind Show this weekend. Did I want to go? No, of course not. So why did I go? I took the path of least resistance. I could either listen to my friend cry and whine about it for 3.5 hours and then breakdown and go or I could go immediately and get it over with. I did manage to get a couple of Christmas gifts so it wasn't entirely unproductive. I also bought some roasted soybeans which were being touted as a delicious, nutritious, healthy and low-fat snack. They are quite tasty but the women who own the company are a couple of roly-poly twin sisters who must only eat soybeans when they're sprinkled on top of bacon and butter pie.
There were many men at the show who had short ponytails. This irks me beyond belief but thankfully I was still able to get some sleep over the weekend. These men are usually balding, but not always, and their hair is only shoulder length but for some reason they put it in a ponytail. Is the heaviness on the neck too much for them to bear. Does it feel like a shag carpet brushing up against the skin? Either get it cut or grow it to a respectable length. Don't make me tell you again.
Finally, at breakfast a couple of weekends ago a friend ordered an omelette and the waitress asked how she would like her eggs. How about in the shape of an omelette.
1 comment:
You really must post more often. The laughs are too few and far between right now!!
I was at the One of a Kind Show myself last week, but unfortunately missed out on the entertainment that you found there.
As an regular omelette orderer, I particularly enjoyed your brunch story. I'm sure I have some clueless waitress stories that I could share too, but can't think of one right now. Instead I will share a rental car story.
The work unit of which I was a member had decided to go on a "field trip" to our mothership in Waterloo, and I volunteered to arrange transportation. I decided to look into renting a van so we could all travel together. I phoned one company and asked whether they had vans available that would carry 10 people. Their answer was that their vans would carry either 7 people or 12 people, not 10. I waited a beat or two to see if she would recognize the solution before I gently explained to her that 10 people could probably travel comfortably in the van that carried 12.... You just have to shake your head!!
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