Looking Forward to Babysitting

This weekend I will be helping babysit two of the most wonderful children that have ever set foot on this planet. No, I’m not going back in time and babysitting myself at two different ages. If I may be frank, I was an absolutely adorable child (diametrically opposed to my cantankerous self now) and it is very difficult to pick the ages that I was most delightful but if I had to choose I’d say; one and a half when my impish grin melted the hearts of all who passed by our balcony as my father lovingly swung me by my ankle over the side of it, and seven when I debuted my Walter Crankcase (Cronkite) impression to the amusement of my schoolteachers.

But enough of the reminiscing, let’s get back to my pseudo-nieces, as I like to call them. It’s a complicated story but I’m very close friends with three sisters and I like to refer to them as part of my family. They affectionately refer to me as “that guy” as in “what’s that guy doing here?” and “I thought we weren’t speaking to that guy anymore”. The eldest sister and her husband have two girls; aged six and almost two. The six year old is one of the most energetic children I’ve ever met. She plays all sports, often at the same time, plays drums and piano, has an uncanny talent for foosball and is probably working toward her commercial pilot license during her spare time. I know all children are energetic but I worked at a summer camp for five years and we would have a new crop of 60 – 70 kids come in every two weeks, so trust me, I’ve seen a lot of kids and this one has a lot of energy. Unless she has to do something she doesn’t want to. Then, of course, she moves at the pace of a turtle meandering through molasses. The almost two year old barely tolerates me. She is mommy’s girl and if mommy is not around she will grudgingly go to one of her aunts but if they’re busy and she has to go to one of her uncles (I’m generously including myself in that group) it’s time to put the earplugs in and let the wailing begin. She is super cute though and if she thinks you may give her food her opinion of you increases exponentially.

The parents (i.e., eldest sister and her husband) will be dropping the girls off at youngest sister and her husband’s house on Friday. I really should have just given them aliases. Using their real names is out of the question because middle sister is extremely paranoid and thinks that if her name ever appears on the internet hackers will steal her identity, move into her apartment, kicking her out on to the street in the process, and when she tries to get help from friends, family or the government they will all refuse and possibly send her to prison or a mental asylum because she has no identity. Come to think of it, the mental asylum at this point might not be such a bad idea; but, I’ll leave that topic for another day.

One final point, and I would be remiss not to mention this, youngest sister and her husband have an absolutely delightful, four month old, cute as a button boy. I look forward to seeing him but cannot refer to it as babysitting because his parents will be there. Also, his parents are reluctant (emphatically refuse) to let me babysit because four month olds aren’t supposed to play with starter pistols. And, I’m supposed to know this?