May has been a very busy month for me. Last weekend we had the The Third Annual Super Karate Monkey
Relay for Life Garage Sale (TASKMRFLGS). I'm proud to report that it was a rousing success with the team raising just under $600.00 for the
Relay.
All of your favourite Super Karate Monkeys were there - Bitey, Scratchy, Fatty (that's me), One-Eye, One-Leg and Just-a-Head.
Our featured item this year was a lovely sweater donated (in error) by Jabber-Jaw. The sweater itself was a plain white affair but directly in the centre was a large photo of all three sisters. This kind of item brings up all sorts of questions for me. What kind of a person would wear a sweater with a picture of them self on it; and, more importantly, what kind of person would wear a sweater with a picture of people he didn't know on it. I aimed to find out so I placed the sweater in a place of prominence where all passersby could look upon it with mirth.
Jabber-Jaw came by a little later, drove past the house, mouth agape, turned around drove past the house again, threw the van into park (it may have been on the neighbour's dog), ran over, and while pointing at the sweater, said, in a voice shaking with equal parts terror, embarrassment and anger, "WHAT IS THAT?" Needless to say our featured item was quickly taken off the market.
Other highlights of the sale were a nine year old boy who bought a large Asian decorative fan and a family of seven who bought just about everything else. They would leave when their wagon was full, tow it back home to unload and then they were right back at it.
The past weekend was the Asian Hockey Championship and Cultural Event. This is a very large event with a much too small volunteer committee. At one point I was selling merchandise, paying referees and timekeepers, updating the scoreboard, making balloon animals and trying to eat lunch. I knew I was in trouble when I paid a timekeeper with a balloon mouse, tried to twist my cheeseburger into a dog and put up a score as three t-shirts to a hat.
One of the most amusing comments we had this year was a teenage player who came up to reception and asked for his banana and sandwich. Apparently someone on his team had told him that we were giving out free bananas and sandwiches this year. I barely have enough time to eat my own lunch, lord knows I'm not going to be slicing cucumbers and cutting off crusts for this guy.
In the AHC you are allowed to have 2 import players (i.e., non-Asian) however you're allowed to have any number of players with mixed heritage. Two years ago we had a mixed player who looked as Asian as Wayne Gretzky. Players on other teams were complaining that he was an extra import. His defense was that he had a picture of himself with his grandfather in his wallet. Now I'll grant him that his grandfather certainly did look Chinese, in fact, his grandfather came in later to rant about just how Chinese he was. Be that as it may, having a picture of you with someone doesn't prove anything. I have a picture of me at the Vatican but it doesn't mean I'm the Pope. And that picture of me canoodling at
Rods of Steel - where the poles do the dancing, doesn't prove anything either.
When we pay the refs and timekeepers each person has to pick up his or her own pay envelope. Last year, one of the refs asked to pick up his friend's envelope and we said that we had to give the pay directly to the person. He replied by saying, "I've known him for over 15 years and I'm a cop, so I'm not going to steal his money." First, being a cop doesn't make you morally responsible. There have certainly been cases of cops breaking the law. Second, just because you say it out loud doesn't make it true.
"I'm a neurosurgeon and a rainbow."
"I'm a deep sea diver and the thing that your mama warned you about."
"I'm a full-time trampoline expert and a part-time lover."
"Hi, I'm a vegan and she's a maneater (Oh oh, here she comes) watch out boy, she'll chew you up. (Oh oh, here she comes) she's a maneater."
