China - The Food

I have lost a couple of pounds while in China on my new see food diet. If I see food that can see me, I don't eat it. I wasn't sure why the fish I was enjoying was staring at me until Jing asked if I ever ate the head. Well, I nearly spit out my fried gluten ball in amazement. I may have experimented a little bit in college, but no, I've never "eaten the head." Then it hit me that she was talking about the fish. This was too much; I couldn't even finish my Caterpillar Fungus Duck. She said it was delicious. I will take her word for it.

I have eaten many things in China that I didn't think I ever would, like duck blood or vegetables (I prefer the duck blood).

I'm also pretty sure they're just testing me with a lot of things to see if I'll actually eat it. One time during lunch Jing's father gave me a clove of raw garlic. I love garlic when it's cooked but to eat a raw clove felt like I was pledging a fraternity. I ate it cautiously while looking around for a blindfold and a paddle.

In a separate incident I was served a bowl of fish, each fish was about four inches in length (with head and tail intact of course). Biting into one of these fish was like trying to chew your way through a spiderweb of bones. The bones were soft enough to break while biting down on them but sharp enough to pierce your soft palate and gums. I think for every ten pounds of fish you get one ounce of meat.  

In truth, much of the food is delicious but I still have moments of weakness when I need to get something greasy and meaty. 

There are two Western fast food chains in abundance in China; McDonalds and KFC. I understand McDonalds but was surprised by KFC. Then it hit me that it may stand for Kentucky Fried Cat. This would be a genius move by KFC. Kentucky Fried Camel, Kentucky Fried Chimpanzee, Kentucky Fried Cobra are all viable options now.

I did try McDonald's one time and was sorrily disappointed. I ordered a burger, fries, a coke and a sundae. Nothing elaborate; I wasn't trying to go rogue and order a McRib. The sundae machine was broken so I asked for a milkshake instead of a coke. The shake machine was broken too. That's fine, as long as I get those golden delicious french fries that are adored the world over. What's that, no fries, but I can substitute corn. I'm not proud of what I did upon hearing that news but my lawyer thinks he can work a plea bargain for just under 10 years hard labour.

China

At the beginning of September I flew into Zhengzhou, China. I'll be staying here for three months and as it's not a tourist city I won't be regaling you daily with tales of adventure. I do intend to write some entries on my life in China in general and specific events if they happen. 

Your first question may naturally be, why Zhengzhou and why for three long months. I can only say that  there is a woman involved and quite possibly some voodoo, which would explain all the chicken blood. So much chicken blood.

As I mentioned, Zhengzhou is not a tourist town. I think the population breakdown is 99.999999% Chinese and then me. Nobody I've encountered thus far speaks more than a few words of English. This leads to me doing a lot of pointing and pantomiming. I've stopped rubbing my belly to indicate hunger though as my Buddhaesque frame leads people to think I'm giving them good fortune.

The thing I like most about Zhengzhou so far, other than the aforementioned woman of course, is Starbucks. It's almost completely empty and has comfortable chairs and free wifi. On the occasions that they play a western song I can even imagine that I'm home.