China - The Food

I have lost a couple of pounds while in China on my new see food diet. If I see food that can see me, I don't eat it. I wasn't sure why the fish I was enjoying was staring at me until Jing asked if I ever ate the head. Well, I nearly spit out my fried gluten ball in amazement. I may have experimented a little bit in college, but no, I've never "eaten the head." Then it hit me that she was talking about the fish. This was too much; I couldn't even finish my Caterpillar Fungus Duck. She said it was delicious. I will take her word for it.

I have eaten many things in China that I didn't think I ever would, like duck blood or vegetables (I prefer the duck blood).

I'm also pretty sure they're just testing me with a lot of things to see if I'll actually eat it. One time during lunch Jing's father gave me a clove of raw garlic. I love garlic when it's cooked but to eat a raw clove felt like I was pledging a fraternity. I ate it cautiously while looking around for a blindfold and a paddle.

In a separate incident I was served a bowl of fish, each fish was about four inches in length (with head and tail intact of course). Biting into one of these fish was like trying to chew your way through a spiderweb of bones. The bones were soft enough to break while biting down on them but sharp enough to pierce your soft palate and gums. I think for every ten pounds of fish you get one ounce of meat.  

In truth, much of the food is delicious but I still have moments of weakness when I need to get something greasy and meaty. 

There are two Western fast food chains in abundance in China; McDonalds and KFC. I understand McDonalds but was surprised by KFC. Then it hit me that it may stand for Kentucky Fried Cat. This would be a genius move by KFC. Kentucky Fried Camel, Kentucky Fried Chimpanzee, Kentucky Fried Cobra are all viable options now.

I did try McDonald's one time and was sorrily disappointed. I ordered a burger, fries, a coke and a sundae. Nothing elaborate; I wasn't trying to go rogue and order a McRib. The sundae machine was broken so I asked for a milkshake instead of a coke. The shake machine was broken too. That's fine, as long as I get those golden delicious french fries that are adored the world over. What's that, no fries, but I can substitute corn. I'm not proud of what I did upon hearing that news but my lawyer thinks he can work a plea bargain for just under 10 years hard labour.