The Pie Shack

RELAY UPDATE - As of the morning of June 9th, we are $400 away from our goal of $5000.

Last Saturday I went to the Beaches and had the good fortune of stumbling across a little place called the Pie Shack. When I say stumbled, I mean literally because I had been drinking quite heavily that day and have a poor sense of balance due to losing the big toe on my left foot in a 3-legged race gone awry.

The Pie Shack serves both sweet and savoury pies. They were all out of sweet pies when Monkey and I arrived but they were expected any minute. We found this out from the owner, Tim McConvey, who is most likely the friendliest man alive while also being just unpredictable enough to be slightly frightening.

Tim talked to every customer for about 15 to 20 minutes. This made them really feel like they were appreciated and valued; of course it also meant that if you were third in line you'd be waiting 30 - 40 minutes to order, which had the opposite effect.

We decided to have a savoury pie and a pot of tea while we waited in the hope that the sweet pies would arrive. I had a quiche lorraine and Monkey had a chicken pot pie. We both agreed that the pies were delicious. The Pie Shack has decks of cards on the tables so as we waited for the sweet pies we played an intense game of Crazy 8s and sipped tea.

Finally the sweet pies arrived. I had a slice of peach while Monkey had strawberry-rhubarb. Again, both delicious, perhaps due to the copious amounts of butter used.

I can't think of a more pleasant way to spend a Saturday afternoon, other than chucking eggs at old people from a moving car.

Five More Days

The Relay for Life starts at 7:00pm on June 12. Our team is incredibly excited about the Relay this year because they will be giving signs to teams that raise $5000 Bronze, $7500 Silver or $10,000 Gold. The Super Karate Monkeys are currently at around $4400 including offline pledges. That means we have a chance at a bronze sign. There's nothing I'd like more than to get that sign and strut around the track as if I were the cock of the walk. I've been called a cock many times - many, many times - but this would be different. I suppose it would also be nice to raise $5000.00 for the Canadian Cancer Society.

As the captain and best looking member of the team I set my goal at a lofty $1500.00 and am happy to say I achieved it. Now that the crunch is on I've raised the bar and added another $200.00 to the goal. The only other time I've raised the bar is during a limbo competition. I managed to make it through by tipping my head back ever so slightly.

So, I guess what I'm asking is can you help a brother out? Forward this link to anybody you know who has $5.00 and the desire to help eradicate a deadly disease.

Dave's Donation Page

P.S. Donations of $20 or more will receive a tax receipt and a visit from either Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie depending on your sexual preference and/or willingness to experiment.

Disclaimer: You probably will not receive a visit from either Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie.

. . . and another thing that chafes my ass

I saw the movie Up last night. Fabulous movie, highly recommended. The thing that gets me is why every ignorant, gum chomping, ditzy teenager who can't live four minutes without their cell phone in case they miss an idiotic message from another ignorant, gum chomping, ditzy teenager saying "Jeremy told Chad to tell his sister that he might like you if you think that maybe you like him" feels the need to put their feet on the seat on front of them. This isn't your damn living room. I don't even know why this is considered comfortable. Rarely do I sit at home with my legs sticking up at a 45 degree angle and resting on the back of a thin piece of fabric covered plastic digging into my calves. Yesterday I saw a 250 pound woman with her painted hoof draped over the back of a chair. I have no idea how she managed to wedge herself into that position but she needed the jaws of life to get out.

Back to the movie - it was in 3D, which for some reason freaked Monkey out. Just as I was about to buy tickets she said "wait, it's in 3D". To which I replied "so what". "I don't know, I don't know if I agree with that. I don't want to wear the glasses. This should have been disclosed up front . . ." While she was babbling, I purchased the tickets. We went to our theatre, grabbed our glasses and found seats. The glasses are made out of plastic now, not the crappy paper kind that they used to give out and they fit reasonably well despite my horribly misshapen head (see last entry). The 3D effect is much better than the last 3D movie I saw which was Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983). A review on IMDB writes that it " . . . is one of the worst crimes ever committed to celluloid" - I wouldn't rate it as highly.

A Successful SASKMRFLGS

The Second Annual Super Karate Monkey Relay for Life Garage Sale (it just rolls off the tongue doesn't it) is over and I think we're all a little older and a little wiser. I'm exactly 11 days older but I'll tell you, it feels more like 15 or 16. As for being wiser, when I say a little wiser, I'm exaggerating, I'm infinitesimally wiser. I think the only thing I learned is that Harlequin titles are extremely repetitive. Monkey goes through 4 to 5 Harlequins a week so we had lots to sell. Joey Jo Jo Shabadu Jr. created a game where we used the Harlequin title for charades. Eventually we had stock moves for just about everything they had. From the Harlequin website today, these are the top ten bestsellers:

1. Taming the Texas Tycoon


2. Pregnant with the Billionaire's Baby


3. Having the Billionaire's Baby


4. The Brunelli Baby Bargain


5. Billionaire Prince, Pregnant Mistress


6. The Illegitimate King


7. Intimate Seduction


8. Bought for Marriage


9. The Santangeli Marriage


10. Royal Seducer

Babies, billionaires and royalty seem to be big with the romance writers. I actually tried to act out "Intimate Seduction" and along with dislocating my hip I was banned from the street for a year.

One thing I definitely didn't learn last year, and probably won't remember next year, is that I need to be lathered in sun screen if I'm going to spend anytime outside. I'm extremely pale; photographers use me to set the white balance in their cameras. Over the weekend I was burned to a nice glowing red. After three days I started peeling so badly that it looked like I was in the early stages of leprosy. I hate the feel of sunscreen on my skin but I'm also not fond of my arms emanating enough heat to fry bacon. People, often tell me that I need to wear a hat. That's all well and good for people with normal shaped heads, I however look like Forest Gump's dimwitted cousin when I wear one. I'm not sure what it is but baseball caps always look slanted and toques ride up my head like an elastic around a basketball. Luckily I have enough thick luxurious hair to hide whatever hideous deformity mars my skull.

The garage sale made $475.00, which is about $30.00 less than last year but in these tough economic times still considered a good return.

SASKMRFLGS

The 2nd Annual Super Karate Monkey Relay for Life Garage Sale (saskmerflogs) is fast approaching.

Do you have plans for the weekend? Cancel them immediately. We want to see you at the garage sale.

Here are the details:

When - Saturday May 23 & Sunday May 24.
Time - 9am - 3pm both days (early birds will be shot on sight).
Where - 140 Cadorna Avenue (Don Mills & O'Connor).
What - books, cds, cassettes, clothes, electronics, furniture, household appliances and ceramic kitties are all awaiting a new home.

We look forward to seeing everyone.

If you can't come out but would still like to make a donation there's no reason to cry like a little baby. Wipe those tears away and click on the link below. You can donate to any individual member of the team or the team as a whole.

Super Karate Monkeys - Relay for Life page

Thanks for your support.

Wrong Number - or was it?

Friday evening I received a phone call at around 10pm from a "private number". I normally don't answer these but, what the heck.

"Hello"
"Is this FCB?" in a voice that sounded like the woman's hobbies included eating ground glass and gargling gin, not to mention chain smoking unfiltered Marlboros since she was seven.
"Yes"
"FCB?"
"Yes."
"Well this is Ethel Flavenstock and I want to know if you're still handsome."
"Yes."

Handsome is a subjective term.

The conversation continued.

"I've got Yvonne Gruber here and she wants to talk to you."
"I don't think I know either of you but sure, put her on."
"Oh, maybe we've got the wrong FCB."
"Au contraire my friend, you have the right FCB."

They both giggled, which led to a coughing fit and I think Yvonne passed out but it may have been Ethel. I then hung up the phone and dreamed sweet dreams for the night.

In Brief

I was standing at a traffic light today and a fairly normal looking woman (with the exception of the maniacal grin) was standing next to me. She shouted out, "C'mon light, I got to go to soccer tonight." A short time later the light changed. Does this woman have magic powers or do traffic lights just change at regular intervals? I guess we'll never know.

Speaking of traffic lights I completed my first "scramble" crossing at Yonge & Dundas today. A scramble crossing is where you are allowed to cross diagonally from corner to corner (e.g., from NE to SW). I'm not sure why it's called a scramble but the name certainly doesn't conjure up images of orderly lines of people calmly marching to their destinations. Scramble is something you yell when the cops are coming.